By Lamont Harrell
Healing is not an overnight process. It is a daily cleansing of pain, it is a daily healing of your life.
So what is your life like? Mine is real, and every day I’m trying to heal while sitting in prison fighting for my liberation. My mom and dad stressing and praying to God for a blessing. Still wishing their baby boy (me) never gravitated towards the street life and picked up that weapon. Baltimore City is where I was raised and it was imperative that you carry a gun at an early age so you wouldn’t see an early grave. The block I’m from it was mandatory to have a gun or you might not live to be twenty one. Innocent as a child, but living around chaos and confusion it didn’t take long before I became wild.
My actions as an adolescent were survival tactics to keep me from ending up like so many of my peers laying in a casket. I never wanted to be violent but it was hard not to become a product of my environment. Now after 17 years of blood, sweat and tears behind enemy lines, I’m focused on repairing myself. To repair means to rebuild, heal or fix something that has been broken. Broken love is what I suffer from the most due to disloyalty from people I thought loved me. Once you become a part of the prison system most people who told you they love you forget about you. A few stay loyal while the rest try their best to avoid you. These individuals have left me with a heavy heart, making it hard for me to trust anyone. This lack of trust has forced me to develop a me, myself and I mentality. This is why I stay to myself and don’t associate with too many people. I’ve learned over the years of being confined behind enemy lines that it’s best to associate with people of good quality for it is better to be alone than in bad company. With that being said, I’ve been on a mission of repairing myself from all the internal pain and damage I suffer from. I strive to find healthy methods that I can use to cope with the reality of being in this household they call prison. Exercising, reading, writing poetry and meditating are the four methods I use. These four methods have been the foundation for the progress I’ve been making when it comes to repairing myself. It’s an everyday struggle, but as long as I stay consistent, disciplined and focus on my mission, I will continue to progress in my healing process