By Quanitta Turner
I got arrested at 25 years old. I thought I lost my life when I got into the county jail. I was scared, ashamed, lost and guilty. I didn’t know what to think or how to adapt. I was so alone. I hated myself so bad for what I done. It was crazy. My situation happened in 2007 but I didn’t get arrested until 3 years later in 2010. It was mad crazy because of the stupid choices I made in the past. I wish I could turn back time and change things, but I can’t. A lot of us do think that way and wish that we could change things. In 2012 I got sentenced to life in prison. At that time I thought my life was over. I thought I had an end in prison but people kept encouraging me. I kept shooting them down. I was so negative, hurt, sad, embarrassed and ashamed. I hated myself, didn’t love myself or didn’t even like myself. I wondered if I should even keep going. I just slept my life away the first 6 years in prison. I was a monster like the world looked upon me. I am a murderer now. Still the world looks at me as a convict. People hate me out there in society because of my charges. People hate me for what I had done but no one looks at the changes I have made. After another 6 years had gone by, when I was 14 years in on my life sentence, I knew I was truly sorry for what I had done. I can’t change the past. But I am remorseful and I wish I could bring her back but I can’t. When I was in a total of 16 years I finally forgave myself. It took hard work and I had to be open to do it. I needed to be free from within myself, to allow myself to love me again and to allow myself forgiveness. I had hardened my heart and I hated myself for years. I just couldn’t live with myself. At home I drank a lot .I just acted like a zombie. I just couldn’t deal with the pain of losing someone then dealing with the fact it was my fault. I needed closure within myself. I needed to free myself from all the pain I caused myself and the embarrassment I caused my family. The shame of it all. I am a beautiful person inside and out. I just hated my mental health / illness that caused my crime. It is not an excuse, it is a fact. Now I love myself again. I allowed God to enter my life and I am now speaking because God loves me and forgives me and he will forgive you too. If he was able to do it for all those in the Bible he can do it for you too. I am thankful for all the changes I made while in prison. With God by my side I can do anything. I can conquer anything. Just believe in yourself and don’t give up.
Bio
My name is Quanitta Turner. I am 39 years old. I love to read, write, dance and learn new things. I love knowledge and wisdom. I love to travel. I love card games and video games. I am cool, kind and adventurous. I love meeting new people all over the world and one day I want to own my own business. If anyone wants to write, feel free to do so.
Quanitta Turner
#100937771 G1
Lee Arrendale State Prison
PO Box 709
Alto, GA 30510